"Decaffeination"

The first time I ever tried coffee, I hated it. I tried it black. Then I tried it with cream and sugar. That was worse. That was when I was in junior high. Speed forward to the summer of 1984, and I’m working at Ruggles Pizza in Boston. It’s an extremely hot summer, and the restaurant’s air conditioning is broken. In the kitchen, we are working around 750° ovens. The drink that we are all guzzling is ice coffee with lots of cream. It’s delicious! And I’ve been hooked on coffee ever since…as long as it doesn’t have sugar in it.

Decaffeination

© 1984 Brian Hutzell

I get up in the morning

Every day of my life

And sit before a breakfast

Made for me by my wife

Some cereal, some buttered toast

A vitamin pill

And in a cup, the vital link:

The nectar from Brazil

I take it hot and strong and black

Supplying energy I lack

But then the day I should have foreseen:

She tried to give me coffee without the caffeine

Where's the bean?

She wants to decaffeinate me

She's trying to make me healthy

Next it’s little instant packets

Then, then it’s herbal

Then it’s herbal tea

You can’t wake up to chamomile

Better the bitter espresso

Or a cultural cappuccino

She hides my caffeine

Pretty soon I’m hooked on speed

"Steaming Brian"

Brian Hutzell

from "Brand New Bouncing Suit"