Ole, Gerg, and I wrote these words by simply trading
lines, one right after the other, as fast as we could write them down. We
recorded it for The Non-Album. The original was written and recorded in 1982. A few years later, I revisited the piece, added a chorus, and wrote out a lead sheet for it. Beyond
that, I can’t really explain or excuse this.
Three Days of Hell
© 1986 Brian Hutzell, Brian Olson, Greg Berry 1986
Bouncing gaily down the street
An old man was sitting in the park feeding blood to
birds.
Anytime after 3:00 on Sunday, the airplane will
arrive
With stewardesses providing food
On the hill, a bucket was rusting because seamen
were careless
The clear blue bedclothes blinked
As the cheese cultured and bacteria filled her
crevices.
Great leaping landladies drank Mountain Dew
Thus causing them to do it with a plus.
Miss Piggy listened to The Clash while sitting on a
beanbag chair
Eating her curds and whey and gently spiting up.
Swallowing on the bed while counting banana peels,
She got a firm hold on the situation.
Vocabulary words can be fun
But only when the TV is blaring classical music
While manipulating the soiled sock
And a turd on the floor got off on a belt.
Here, hold this.
A fart if not solid waste, but urine is.
A given amount of certain things may hurt your neck
Melting wax is not one of them but thighs are.
Hair of two different colors is not related to a
hubcap
Or a shoestring, for that matter: blue.
Quickly leave and let us grapple before the sandwich
gets moldy
Chorus – Or a shoestring, for that matter: blue
(ovary).
Three days of hell
From Iowa to Florida
We the People
Ready, Greg?
Three days of hell
From Des Moines to Disney World
Hoover High School
Ready, Bri?
A peck on the nose followed by a twisting of
arm-hair
Brought certain things up to caliber
Followed by a used car commercial.
Deviled eggs seldom interfere
With the more simplistic qualities of life
Such as basket-weaving and kite-flying.
Pull no eggs out of nests
One two, who do I screw?
Three four, fuck the goddamn door
Five six, cranberry sauce and milk don't mix.
Darting in and out, the weasel ripped his flesh
He tried to eat the stick deodorant.
Be careful, my mom might come in
But not without her shoes on, because she wants to
step on rocks.
Rumple, tangle, twist
The child fell off his trike and bumped her rump.
Why are you laughing at me?
Do I have ketchup on my shoulder, or is that just a
mosquito bite?
Buzz 39.
You saw her naked armpit and penetrated her lower
abdomen
First door on the left is not on the right side
But it contains birds and bees.
You are not going to leave; the door is wide open
On the other hand, her foot is in my mouth.
As time goes by, SPLERB! Too hard on me, on me, ooh!
A red and white shirt was wrapping a pole
But it didn't sound like a cricket.
Three days of hell
From Iowa to Florida
We the People
Ready, Orv?
Three days of hell
From Des Moines to Disney World
Hoover High School
Ready, Ole?
12:30 and The Fossils are pissed because it's almost
3:00
Five is a quality number.
A concrete block painted black served a useful
purpose.
It wasn't to deliver milk.
Something squishy pressed against me. It came down
from the heavens.
Ha! Giggle! Snort! Bolero! Kamikaze!
Would you like some tea and a metronome?
Get out of the car. Count the sky and eat free
Chicken Kiev.
Eat my Adam's apple, suck my pore, drain my systems.
Have you hugged your poop-chute today?
No, but her, put my penis in your nose.
Get your damn hand out of my butt!
You have expressive farts. Get your foot out of my
groin.
I have an itch. Chew on me. Drink this. You are my
prisoner.
If you want some dessert, come to my house and I
will give you cake.
There is fuzz on your lip.
Have you ever picked a nose-hair? It brings tears to
my eyes.
Merry Christmas and a pizza! Also a Coleman Thermal
Container.
May I have a Frito, please?
Let me slip into something more comfortable.
Oh my, you eat a lot!
How many sea horses do you have?
Three days of hell
From Iowa to Florida
We the People
Ready, Greg?
Three days of hell
From Des Moines to Disney World
Hoover High School
Ready, Bri?
Probe the sweatshirt. Gee that tastes good!
Is this chair going to make history?
We shall sleep twice and wrap a blanket.
May I have seconds? Do you like the ride?
What a wonderful view of the garbage bin.
I wonder when they'll empty that thing.
Are you wearing a red coat?
Pardon my erection, but little Barbies are fun.
Your hair is very perfect. Large yellow blob.
I have a chest cold. Do you eat ice cream when it's
cold?
Don't make me red, o Hispanic one! Instead, let's
teeter-totter!
May I have a hug, please? Feel my foot.
Why do you slant when you walk? You have a nice
smile.
Your dad must think I'm horrible. Why did you run
into me?
Did you wash your hair at three AM?
The sensuous joy of skin could serve my appetite.
The ocean holds many mysteries. You give me funny
dreams.
This is a good song. I felt like shit. You have nice
eyes.
I am fat.
You have super breasts. How did you like the punch?
Your bed is moving. Well, dammit, stop it!
Mother I'm pregnant, due to programming, of course.
Do you need a bottle opener? Did you spend $50 at
Sea World?
Ear lobes. Ear wax doesn't taste good.
You have lost your voice (and your place.) Am I
keeping you up? At Exactly 4:00 AM
Don't go with him!
Incentive and several friends surprised us. She said
I was mean.
I will allow no disrespect.
I have a hunch that you like someone else. Who's on
my back?
It wasn't a joke. You are so nice and warm.
Gee, you grown since the last time I saw you!
This time I'm not giving up.
Women fuck up your mind. My mind fucks up women.
Only three rooms down.
"Dramatis Personae"
Brian Hutzell
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