"Stop Jerkin’ My Gherkin"

I’ve spent almost all of the past three days doing schoolwork, and tonight I have a bad attitude about the whole process. In Jerry Spinelli’s brilliant book Wringer, the main character, a young boy, reaches the breaking point and yells, “No! No to all of it!” (I may be paraphrasing.) I feel like that. If you haven’t read Wringer, you should. It’ll be in the Juvenile Fiction section at your library, but don’t let that dissuade you. There are plenty of great books in that section that will challenge you more than much of the crap in the Adult Fiction section. You could do worse than to start with any of the Newbery Medal books.

Stop Jerkin’ My Gherkin

© 2011 Brian Hutzell

Tell me I’m nuts

Life is full of fools

Too many big buts

Too many stupid rules

Everything I plan

Shot down on sight

No wonder I can’t sleep at night

Stop jerkin’ my gherkin

When you should be workin’

Stop jerkin’ my gherkin

When I should be workin’

I hope you got fat

I hope your husband’s bald

I hope your kid’s a brat

I hope your engine stalled

I wish you lots of luck – all of it bad

And, since you asked,

No, I’m not mad!

Stop jerkin’ my gherkin

When you should be workin’

Stop jerkin’ my gherkin

When I should be workin’

Why do I suck at everything I do?

Why does nothing go the way I want it to?

I tell the world, “This is what I want.”

The world replies, “So what?”

When I explain my idea

They say, “Yeah, but...”

I knock again

But the door is shut

Stop jerkin’ my gherkin

When you should be workin’

Stop jerkin’ my gherkin

When I should be workin’

"Fnebular Wimbus"

Brian Hutzell

from Make a Thwinting Sound