This is
the final and linchpin song of my tape TFM.
I didn’t realize it at the time I wrote and recorded it that I was coming eerily
close to the Bowie song “We are Hungry Men,” which in turn is reminiscent of
Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal. Monty
Python has also from time to time had fun with cannibalism. Perhaps it was
foreshadowing that when I was a little kid, I loved an old single of my mom’s, “Stranded
in the Jungle” by The Cadets, in which the narrator is nearly cooked at one
point. However, unlike these other examples, The Turgid Fart Machine” doesn’t
propose cannibalism, but rather recycled food. I’m not sure which is worse.
The Turgid Fart Machine
© 1985 Brian
Hutzell
Behold! It
works!
"The
machine is ready and its success is guaranteed! Tests have proven conclusively
that this invention can and will solve all world hunger problems. Ladies and
gentlemen! The world! Presenting an end to starvation! Welcome a new era! All
hail the Turgid Fart Machine!"
We've got
it
He made it
We've got
the machine
Think of
the money we'll make
Ha ha,
they think our service is free
Think of
the price they'll pay
And
they'll do it or they won't sleep at night
It
wouldn't be right for them to refuse
When we
got a machine to re-use food
What a
scam, a never-ending supply
Recycling
food
No one has
to die
Better
than Mrs.Lovett's pies
You've
seen it before but now it's disguised
T-F-M,
it's a miracle
How much
is it worth?
T-F-M,
we're starving
Hurry up,
save the world
Over here
[10x]
Everywhere,
everyone
All the
time, what a scene
Watch 'em
fight for the machine
We've got
it
They want
it
We've got
the machine
Think of
the lives we'll take
Ha ha,
they think we're going to share
Think of
the time we'll save
And we'll
do it by making promises
And
collecting the money
Whoops!
Sorry,
It must
have been lost in delivery
T-F-M,
it's a miracle
How much
is it worth?
T-F-M,
we're starving
Hurry up,
save the world
Over here
[10x]
Everywhere,
everyone
All the
time, what a scene
Watch 'em
fight for the machine
"Attention!
News of the Turgid Fart Machine is out and charity organizations around the
globe are placing their bids."
Over here
[20x]
"In
addition to highest money, the nation selected to house and operate the Turgid
Fart Machine must be prepared to justify its use."
Over here
[10x]
Give up!
You can't
win
We'll
destroy the machine
Take 'em!
"The
machine was forcibly taken yesterday. Its builder was killed along with all his
associates. A small sacrifice to make for the sake of mankind."
T-F-M,
it's a miracle
How much
is it worth?
T-F-M,
we're starving
Hurry up,
save the world
Over here
[10x]
Everywhere,
everyone
All the
time, what a scene
Watch 'em
fight for the machine
And
starvation as a disease has ended
Leaving
fewer hungry men dead
The
population rose unchecked
Then the
rulers interject
"We'll,
it seems we've got a problem
We're
running out of room
We've
stopped the machine
And one
more thing:
The bombs
will be arriving soon."
T-F-M
The Turgid
Fart Machine
"Organic"
Brian Hutzell
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