Saturday, October 17, 2015

"The Turgid Fart Machine"

This is the final and linchpin song of my tape TFM. I didn’t realize it at the time I wrote and recorded it that I was coming eerily close to the Bowie song “We are Hungry Men,” which in turn is reminiscent of Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal. Monty Python has also from time to time had fun with cannibalism. Perhaps it was foreshadowing that when I was a little kid, I loved an old single of my mom’s, “Stranded in the Jungle” by The Cadets, in which the narrator is nearly cooked at one point. However, unlike these other examples, The Turgid Fart Machine” doesn’t propose cannibalism, but rather recycled food. I’m not sure which is worse.

The Turgid Fart Machine

© 1985 Brian Hutzell

Behold! It works!

"The machine is ready and its success is guaranteed! Tests have proven conclusively that this invention can and will solve all world hunger problems. Ladies and gentlemen! The world! Presenting an end to starvation! Welcome a new era! All hail the Turgid Fart Machine!"

We've got it
He made it
We've got the machine
Think of the money we'll make
Ha ha, they think our service is free
Think of the price they'll pay
And they'll do it or they won't sleep at night
It wouldn't be right for them to refuse
When we got a machine to re-use food
What a scam, a never-ending supply
Recycling food
No one has to die
Better than Mrs.Lovett's pies
You've seen it before but now it's disguised

T-F-M, it's a miracle
How much is it worth?
T-F-M, we're starving
Hurry up, save the world
Over here [10x]
Everywhere, everyone
All the time, what a scene
Watch 'em fight for the machine

We've got it
They want it
We've got the machine
Think of the lives we'll take
Ha ha, they think we're going to share
Think of the time we'll save
And we'll do it by making promises
And collecting the money
Whoops! Sorry,
It must have been lost in delivery

T-F-M, it's a miracle
How much is it worth?
T-F-M, we're starving
Hurry up, save the world
Over here [10x]
Everywhere, everyone
All the time, what a scene
Watch 'em fight for the machine

"Attention! News of the Turgid Fart Machine is out and charity organizations around the globe are placing their bids."

Over here [20x]

"In addition to highest money, the nation selected to house and operate the Turgid Fart Machine must be prepared to justify its use."

Over here [10x]

Give up!
You can't win
We'll destroy the machine
Take 'em!

"The machine was forcibly taken yesterday. Its builder was killed along with all his associates. A small sacrifice to make for the sake of mankind."

T-F-M, it's a miracle
How much is it worth?
T-F-M, we're starving
Hurry up, save the world
Over here [10x]
Everywhere, everyone
All the time, what a scene
Watch 'em fight for the machine

And starvation as a disease has ended
Leaving fewer hungry men dead
The population rose unchecked
Then the rulers interject
"We'll, it seems we've got a problem
We're running out of room
We've stopped the machine
And one more thing:
The bombs will be arriving soon."

T-F-M
The Turgid Fart Machine



"Organic"

Brian Hutzell

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