"The Boulevard Song"

Still reading Nick Hornby’s Ten Years In the Tub. On page 151, he mentions the band Slipknot in the context of using music as a torture device. My parents have some good friends, the Joneses. I have known them for many years, long enough to remember when their kids were very young. A few years back, my mom casually mentioned on the phone that one of the Jones boys, Craig, was in a band. Now I’m still thinking of Craig as a little kid, so I politely say something like, “That’s nice. What’s the band’s name?” “Slipknot.” Well, knock me over with a feather! More like an anvil followed by a sledgehammer. I think Slipknot may be the most culturally important thing Des Moines ever gave to the world. I’m not a fan of their music, but they’ve made an impact. For all of my training, practicing, endless gigging, etc., my music career has yielded nada in terms of financial or critical success. Craig has me beat by several million to naught. I'd love to be well-known enough to have my name casually dropped as a cultural reference, even as a torture device.

I’m bugged by songwriters who use words that normal people never use, especially in pop songs that are supposed to be for the everyday people. “Boulevard” is not an advanced or obscure word, but when’s the last time you heard it used in conversation? For most of us, this word has only one use: to rhyme with “hard” in bad lyrics. That’s what this song is about.

The Boulevard Song

© 1994 Wally Koekebakker and Brian Hutzell

You’re in love and someone else comes along

The same old story, but the plot is wrong

And you don’t know who you can count upon

But I’m here

You can call me tonight

Try to make it seem all right

Everybody told you it was gonna be hard

And writes a song about a lonely boulevard

I’m here to show you just how wrong they are

Those cliché rhymes happen all the time with harmonica and guitar

You’ve got a lot of love to share

And tell yourself you’re only being fair

They’re not gonna see it that way

Pretty soon there’ll be no on there but me

You can call me when you feel a time of need

Everybody told you it was gonna be hard

And writes a song about a lonely boulevard

I’m here to show you just how wrong they are

Those cliché rhymes happen all the time with harmonica and guitar

Turn off that solemn music

Listen to a brighter melody

No use hearing melancholy

Find a jolly up-tempo beat

And the pain you feel is still there and still real

But you will be surprised how fast you heal

Everybody told you it was gonna be hard

And writes a song about a lonely boulevard

I’m here to show you just how wrong they are

Those cliché rhymes happen all the time with harmonica and guitar