"Bachelorhood"

My ideal weight is 145. At my best, those 145 pounds were trim and toned. It’s been awhile since I’ve been there. For supper tonight, Hitomi and I went out for pizza (we only ate half) and a cup of vanilla frozen custard (we split a medium, but did add hot caramel sauce.) We could have done better, but we could also have done a lot worse. Too much snacking and too little exercise have been my twin devils. I think it would be fun to have some nude pix taken of myself for my 51^st birthday, but I don’t want them taken in the condition in which I currently find myself. If I want to make that date, I have just over 1 month to lose 15 pounds and whip myself into shape. Not impossible, but not easy.

Bachelorhood

© 1985 Brian Hutzell

I was just with a girl

On a sofa in front of the TV

Not really watching the show

But not doing anything else

Both of us staring at the opposite wall

Occasionally laughing at a silly remark.

This lasted about four hours

And then I had to leave

And I wondered if she was happy this way

Or if she’d rather I be more aggressive.

Another night wasted on polite conversation and tea

And the only way for me to feel good about it

Is to write it all down and try to make a song out of it.

I don’t like going out on dates

The whole ordeal is a painful nuisance

My life has enough problems without adding more

Sure I’d like to have a woman

But not just a cheap lay

And definitely not some prick-teasing bitch

Who’ll take my money and my time

And give me nothing in return

Not even the intelligent conversation I had tonight.

What I need is an instant girlfriend:

Someone who’d appear and swear allegiance to me

Obviously that won’t happen

So I guess I should get used to bachelorhood.