"Living By Clocks"

Like many people, I am far too chained to my clocks and calendars. This song was written before we all became slaves to our computers, iPods, and smartphones. I’d write more, but supper beckons. Besides, this isn’t really much of a song. Enjoy the artwork that accompanies it, though!

Living By Clocks

© 1985 Brian Hutzell

Alarm! Time to rise

Get out of bed, open your eyes

Ten minutes to shave and shower

Run to the station, train leaves on the hour

Punch into work at eight

Pity the man who comes in late

Breakfast: a cup of caffeine

Lunchtime: a vending machine

Tick tock, tick tock

Living by clocks

Stopwatch sticks limits on walks

Picks hickory talks

Ticks dickory dock

Clock time, clock mind

I'm living by clocks

Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick

Afternoon appointments

Carefully scheduled to be expedient

Workday almost over

Home to dinner, that's an order

Tick tock, tick tock

Living by clocks

Stopwatch sticks limits on walks

Picks hickory talks

Ticks dickory dock

Clock time, clock mind

I'm living by clocks

Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick

Living by clocks, living by clocks, living by

Living by

Living by clocks, living by clocks

Big Ben scurries through all our lives

Watchbands watch us, keep us in time

What'cha gonna do without a calendar or an almanac?

You'd fall behind

The pendulum falls

One two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve

Midnight noon

I'm living by clocks

Tick tock, tick tock

Living by clocks

Stopwatch sticks limits on walks

Picks hickory talks

Ticks dickory dock

Clock time, clock mind

I'm living by clocks

Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick…

“Supernova 1”

Brian Hutzell

"No"

I wrote a song called “Yes,” so why not write one called “No?” Actually, one of my resolutions for 2016 is to say “Yes” much more often. Today is New Year’s Eve, and I have no intention of going out tonight. Neither Hitomi nor I are big partiers anyway, and we’ve both been battling a cold, so we will be staying in tonight. I plan on spending at least part of the evening thinking about next year – what I want to accomplish, and how best to do it. School is part of the equation. So is getting in shape. Saying “yes” is also part of it. Yes to opportunities that come my way. Yes to trying new things. Yes to pursuing dreams. Yes to being in what John Cleese calls “open mode.”

There are also times to say “No!” One of my favorite authors is Jerry Spinelli, and one of my favorite books of his is Wringer. It’s the story of a boy learning to say “no.” I vow to be wiser in my use of “yes” and “no.” Wiser and more committed to my answer.

No

© 2011 Brian Hutzell

Something bad will happen today

Something good will happen

Someone mad could come your way

So you shouldn't be nappin'

Today is another extraordinary day

Same as all the others

No!

I say, "No!"

Whatever you have to say

I say, "No!"

You tell me to have a nice day

I say, "No!"

You want to show me the way

I say, "No!"

What is it you don't understand about "No!"?

Looky there

What does that sign say? It says, "Beware!

Keep on your toes!"

Danger lurks in well-lit hallways

Evil works in business clothes

Road kill

Another victim on the highway

Road rage

Before I even leave the driveway

A brilliant quote

From a brilliant mind:

"Never smoke another man's pipe."

Stuck

Waiting again

Why don't we move?

Why doesn't something happen?

“December Blues 9”

Brian Hutzell

from December Blues

Part 12 of MMXIII Variations

"High School"

I think – I know – I have not lived up to the potential I demonstrated in high school.
I remember a Peanuts cartoon in which Linus says, “There is no burden as heavy as a great potential.” That may be true, but it’s a burden worth bearing. I think of the Kennedy’s motto “From those to whom much is given, much is expected.” I also think of the parable of the talents in the Bible (Matthew 25:14-30). I have been fortunate in life, but I have not been a good steward of my talents.

Now 2015 is nearly over. Less than two days until the New Year. I plan on spending some time tomorrow making some resolutions for 2016. One of them is to take full advantages of the advantages I’ve been given. Another is to say “Yes” more often. Yes! 2015 has been a year of being tested; it’s been a rough one. I’m back in school, though, and on track to learn and discover new things.

“Do what you can, with what you've got, where you are.”

                   - Theodore Roosevelt

High School

© 1985 Brian Hutzell

Sing we now of high school
Children growing old
How'll we ever manage
Outside in the cold?
Over now is high school
Land of infant dreams
Island of enchantment
Somehow gone it seems.
On to new horizons
Unto gods unknown
To the fields to harvest
Newborn seed we've sown
Omens bad and evil
Will be overcome
Caring for each other
Once our work is done.
Me, I think it's frightening
Everyone will go
Sent away to somewhere
College for to grow
Others may be saddened
Loved ones shoved away
Lost a little further
Every lonesome day.
Given time to prosper
Elbow room to spare
Let us not be broken
I will always care.
Vented anger lost now
Inner feelings out
Now we sing of high school
Gifts are all about.

"Kissing Without Love"

I heard once that of all his songs, Paul McCartney’s favorite id “Daytime Nighttime Suffering.” It’s a good song, but hardly what most people would pick as his best. I’ve often thought artists were terrible judges of their own work. Maybe I’m no exception. “Kissing Without Love,” like “I Would Prefer Not To,” is a song of mine that I really like, but I’m almost alone in that opinion. But since this is my blog, and I like it, here it is!

“Kissing Without Love” on YouTube

"Half As Bad"

For the past several days, I’ve been battling a nasty cold which has evolved into a nasty cough. Yesterday, just when I thought things were improving, my cat got sick. So I was off to the emergency veterinarian’s office, from whence I didn’t get home until midnight. Today, the cat seems much better, but I feel much worse. Lack of sleep can have that effect. Now all of this comes right at the end of 2015, which I would have to say has personally been just about the worst year I can remember. Still, as they say, it could be worse. But I’d rather it be a lot better.

“Half As Bad” on YouTube

Half As Bad

© 1989 Brian Hutzell and Wally Koekebakker


Everything in my life is going alright
How 'bout you?
Everything in my life is going just as planned
Maybe not all the time, but I get through
Without you, yes I do

And it hasn't been half as bad as the dreams I had
About you and me
And how it would be when we broke up
With my eyes and ears shut
I made it turn out sad
But it wasn't half as bad as that

Everything in my life is going as it should
I am happy
I've got a wife
And just a week ago, we had a baby
A little girl
Now my world turns and twirls
And it blurs the line between yours and mine
And it hurts some of the time

But it hasn't been half as bad as the dreams I had
About you and me
And how it would be when we broke up
With my eyes and ears shut
I made it turn out sad
But it wasn't half as bad as that

What was I expecting? What'd I think would happen?
Somehow I thought apart we would die
But it would take no detective
To see reflected in my eyes that I'm fine

Yes I still and always will
Speculate on what became of the love we made then gave up

But it hasn't been half as bad as the dreams I had
About you and me
And how it would be when we broke up
With my eyes and ears shut
I made it turn out sad
But it really hasn't been half as bad

“December Blues 8”

Brian Hutzell

from December Blues

Part 12 of MMXIII Variations

"I Can't Forget"

One of the forgotten Plastic Mikey tunes. I do recall performing this one quite a bit, but it was never recorded, and now I can only hear it faintly in my head. I just ate a cheese sandwich with spicy mustard. Thought you might like to know.

current listening: The Beatles, With the Beatles

I Can't Forget

© 1994 Brian Hutzell and Kevin Dempsey

I can't forget, I can't forget

You say the memory will fade, but it hasn't yet

I can't forget, I can't forget

Like waiting for the day the sun doesn't set

I can't forget, I can't forget

But there's not a single moment I will ever regret

I can't forget, I can't forget

And the truth of it is, I don't want to forget

The way you looked when you promised me your never-ending honesty

Thought it was forever

Never guessed that the best was already past

It went so fast

Crazy?  Yeah, I was crazy for you

Thinking things through too late

Hazy – my mind was hazy and blue

Picking the food off my plate

I can't forget, I can't forget

You say the memory will fade, but it hasn't yet

I can't forget, I can't forget

Like waiting for the day the sun doesn't set

I can't forget, I can't forget

But there's not a single moment I will ever regret

I can't forget, I can't forget

And the truth of it is, I don't want to forget

The way it came down

How I found out about the other guy

I couldn't understand why you'd want to leave me

And then deceive me

Guess it was just my turn

There was a lesson to learn

Breaking – I didn't enjoy breaking up with you

But maybe something new will come along

Making – I should be making my dreams come true

They're long overdue, but coming on strong

I can't forget, I can't forget

You say the memory will fade, but it hasn't yet

I can't forget, I can't forget

Like waiting for the day the sun doesn't set

I can't forget, I can't forget

But there's not a single moment I will ever regret

I can't forget, I can't forget

And the truth of it is, I don't want to forget

So I won't forget

But I won't let the memories interfere

I am here, now, moving ahead

But I can't forget, I can't forget

Plastic Mikey

Chicago, 1996

"The Hypnotizing Eye"

This song was inspired by Harlan Ellison’s The Other Glass Teat. Wally got me to read it when he lent me his copy. After that, I was off on an Ellison bender which took me through several of his books. One of my great pleasures in summer has always been to lie in the sun with a good book. In Boston, my choice tanning spot was the Esplanade. In Medford, I found a nice spot by Mystic Lake. After moving to Chicago, I first tried Belmont Harbor until I discovered it was a prime pickup spot. Flattering to have Chicago’s gay crowd trying to seduce me, but not really my aim when trying to read. So I moved up to near the totem pole near Irving Park. These past few summers, I’ve been relying more and more on indoor tanning and self-tanning lotions. Quick, convenient, and safe, but not nearly as much fun as the real sun outdoors surrounded by a great city.

I recorded “The Hypnotizing Eye” as part of Making a Mess in the early 1990s. I never completed the follow-up recording, Another Fine Mess.

“The HypnotizingEye” on YouTube

The Hypnotizing Eye

© 1985 Brian Hutzell

The eye looking at me

Hypnotizes me

I can't move from my seat

Sit and stare at the screen

And I feel like it's watching me

A large buzzing eye

That won't let me go

It never touches me

Never reaches out to me

Only forces me to stare into its empty brain

Where I stumble and sleep for hours

Getting older faster

The eye looking at me

Hypnotizes me

I can't do anything

I'm a zombie

My body atrophies

And I feel nothing

Not even the large buzzing eye

That won't let me go

“On the Porch”

Brian Hutzell

from Bouncing Suit 8 x 10s

"I'm Not Your Friend"

Anyone who was a “nice guy” in school knows that being nice is the kiss of death when it comes to trying to get laid. The writing here is not bad, but my what an embarrassingly bad vocal on the demo! I still think a decent singer could make this one work.

“I’m Not Your Friend” rough (very rough!) demo on MelodyFusion

I’m Not Your Friend

© 1998 Brian Hutzell

Don’t you see I’m not your friend

I need more than this pretending to be good

Don’t you see I’m not the guy

Who will always be standing by your neighborhood

You’ve got something that I want, and I’ll take it as soon as I can

You’ve got something that I need--after all, I am a man

Don’t call back unless you intend to call me up to your room

I’m not in the mood to be the nice guy once again

Don’t call up unless it’s an offer I can’t refuse

No more mister nice guy, I’m not your friend

You call me up to ask for a hand

Tell me I’m so understanding and so nice

Every time you talk to me it’s for a favor or you’re needing my advice

Time to get one thing straight

That’s not what I’m here for

I don’t want to be your buddy; I’m looking for much more

Don’t call back unless you intend to call me up to your room

I’m not in the mood to be the nice guy once again

Don’t call up unless it’s an offer I can’t refuse

No more mister nice guy, I’m not your friend

I hate to disillusion you, but it’s passion I require

I’ll help you if you want me too

But I’m not some eunuch who’ll do your bidding and then retire

So you see I’ll be your friend

But I’m tired of bending over for no gain

Maybe that’s not what you planned

But you have to understand that I’m in pain

Don’t call back unless you intend to call me up to your room

I’m not in the mood to be the nice guy once again

Don’t call up unless it’s an offer I can’t refuse

No more mister nice guy, I’m not your friend

“Threeway Dance”

Brian Hutzell

from Art Music

"Nothing At All"

Sometimes people you think will be a part of your life forever simply fade out of the picture. I don’t see this as a sad or gloomy song, but it is a bit existential. Or maybe fatalistic. Or maybe I can’t tell the difference between the two.

Nothing At All

© 1994 Brian Hutzell and Wally Koekebakker

Coolness in your letter

Conflict begins to fester

You know the argument to which I refer

I’d prefer to stop it, but you refuse to drop it

Never flinch, never back down an inch

Why the pinch?  Why the hitch?

Why the fight no one of us can win?

It all comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

It all comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

We used to have something, something nice to recall

Now it comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

Smiles formerly shared

Secrets - no longer care

The magic sparkle pulled away

I’m amazed how quickly your tone turned prickly

Never cry, never bat an eye

In a spot neither defeat nor victory will occupy

It all comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

It all comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

We used to have something, something nice to recall

Now it comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

I’m not exactly sure when I noticed

I stopped waiting for your correspondence

It all comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

It all comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

Now you’re getting married; I got a letter, and you called

We talked of nothing, nothing, nothing at all

It all comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

It all comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

We used to have something, something nice to recall

Now it comes to nothing, nothing, nothing at all

"Keep Your Voice Low"

A melancholy song for a melancholy day. Last Christmas, Hitomi and I were apart, but we promised ourselves that we would spend the next Christmas together, and that we would do it in a city. That next Christmas is today. Not only are we not together, but we are not in a city, and I have a bone-rattling cough that kept me up all last night. 2015 has been a challenging year, and it looks like it’s not letting up on us even through the holiday season. Normally I don’t make a big deal out of New Year’s resolutions, but I hereby resolve that 2016 will be better than 2015. Much much MUCH better.

Keep Your Voice Low

© 1994 Brian Hutzell

Keep your voice low, or I might wake up

And I’m not sure I want to know what you are saying

It almost sounds as though you want to break up

Keep your voice low

I won’t hear you leaving

Your voice is soothing

And I feel you touch me

Your words are consoling

Saying you still love me

Keep your voice low

I won’t hear you lying

But not so low that you hear me crying

The sound can’t hurt me if it passes through me

My thoughts desert me

And I will soon be dreaming

A pleasant picture of us together

A fragile image, soft as a feather

Please, not a word

Do not disturb

Keep your voice low, or I might wake up

I don’t want to know what you are saying

Keep your voice low

I can hear it raining

Keep your voice low

The picture’s fading

Toby

"Sax"

This was never finished to my satisfaction. It was to be part of a concept album called Blood, along with “Scarlet,” “The Face of Slavery,” “Over There,” “Blood,” and some others. I had high hopes for that project, but it remains my Smile.

Sax

© 1989 Brian Hutzell

Nocturne of the nightclub
A sultry tone, kinda smooth, kinda rough
Dance, music fanciers
Get it here 'cause at home they don't get enough
What's a man gonna do with a horn and some hours in the evening?
He can sit
But he'd better get working if he wants to keep from freezing

(Sax) If you've got it, might as well play it
(Sax) If you manage to stay in tune
You won't be leaving soon
Don't you see how you turn 'em on
You turn 'em on

Relish the smoke and the fumes of drinks spilling about the room
Easy intimate entertainment
Plays his women like he plays his instrument
Got such nimble fingers
And his lips know how to find the highest note

(Sax) If you've got it, might as well play it
(Sax) Music has the smile of Fagin
(Sax) As long as you stay in tune
You won't be leaving soon
Don't you see how you turn 'em on (You do)
You turn 'em on

Some of the girls do a little work on the side
Last night, seems that one of them worked overtime
She thought she knew her client, but he turned violent
Now all she remember is his fingers and his lips

One name repeatedly came up
The search was on for the nocturnal virtuoso
But when they went to the club and found his place by the stage
His seat was filled by someone half his age, playing a sax

Nocturne of the nightclub
New kid steppin' into the groove
Looks clean, but you know what he's thinking of
Likes the way the dancers move

(Sax) If you've got it, might as well play it
(Sax) When he solos, hear what he's sayin'
(Sax) If you manage to stay in tune
You won't be leaving soon

“Spines and Laces”

Brian Hutzell

from Art Music

"I’ve Let You Down"

I’m a decent pianist, but not a great one. I’ve often been awed by those players who can sight read the most difficult pieces perfectly, can hear a song once and not only recreate  it but also transpose it to any key, or can improvise fluidly over the most difficult changes. I’m not one of them. I was once called upon to fill in as the main pianist for a musical production during its rehearsal period, and I did not do a good job. This song grew out of my frustration with that experience. It ended up being a tune Plastic Mikey performed regularly.

“I’ve Let You Down” rough demo on MelodyFusion

I’ve Let You Down

© 1996 Brian Hutzell

I said I didn’t want this job, but I got it anyway

And found myself stuck in a role I never wanted to play

Don’t know what you wanted me to do, but I wish I'd done it better

Now everybody’s screaming at me; I wanna run away

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

I told you you were asking too much in too little time

You wanted me to give you things that were not mine

The last thing I need right now is a little more pressure

I can’t fill the position; I wanna resign

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

I used to see other people down and flat

Somehow I always thought I was better than that

Now I can see that between them and me there’s no difference

When I look at the sky as I lie with my back to the mat

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

I’ve let you down

“December Blues 7”

Brian Hutzell

from December Blues

Part 12 of MMXIII Variations

" Marble Idol"

This is one of only four songs from the Ashley Standing period to be recorded. I’m not very happy with the way it came out, in spite of the fact that the recording cost me a lot of money. Side note: the “brave and the bold” line in verse 2 is an homage to a Bicentennial play in which I participated in grade school. Woodlawn Elementary. It was a short musical called The Brave and the Bold, about Christopher Columbus. I had a few lines, and also had to run offstage from time to time to play something on either piano or trombone. It was one of my first theatrical experiences, and as bad as I’m sure it was, I enjoyed it immensely.

“Marble Idol” onMelodyFusion

Marble Idol

© 1994 Brian Hutzell

With skillful blows of the chisel, I carve you

With well-aimed blows of the chisel, I carve you

Release the figure in the stone, like Venus rising from the foam

Lovely to look at, delightful to hold

Never to be broken, never controlled

You’re my golden calf, my marble idol

Beautiful, hard and cold

You’re my work of art, my marble idol

Michelangelo’s finest mold

On a lofty pedestal I display you

On a revealing pedestal, I display you

More than a statue in the park – a living sculpture with a heart

Lovely to look at, delightful to hold

An icon for the brave and the bold

You’re my golden calf, my marble idol

Beautiful, hard and cold

You’re my work of art, my marble idol

Michelangelo’s finest mold

What big hands you have

The better to touch you with, my dear

What big hands you have

The better to crush you with, my dear

What big hands you have

The better to slay the giant

All I want is your love and devotion

Love and emotion, love and protection

Protect me from the others like me

Lovely to look at, delightful to hold

Embodiment of my soul

You’re my golden calf, my marble idol

Beautiful, hard and cold

You’re my work of art, my marble idol

Michelangelo’s finest mold

“Sky Lapse”

Brian Hutzell

from Art Music

"How Much Do You Want It To Hurt?"

A little S & M ditty from the Ashley Standing period. It’s not a bad song, but it’s certainly not one I could ever get away with performing. What was I thinking? Maybe I can sell it to Miley Cyrus.

How Much Do You Want It To Hurt?

© 1995 Brian Hutzell

How much do you want it to hurt?

I can satisfy your wish

How much do you enjoy the pain?

How willing to succumb to the submission of my dungeon,

The torturous heaven I’ve devised?

You never realized till now

How being sacrificed empowers thoughts and feelings hidden for so long

Weakness can be strong.  Might can be wrong

How much do you want it to hurt?

Come and select your dessert

Step right up; the circus is waiting

Take a seat; no more hesitating

(Give in)  Give in to the thrill of the show

You’re the star – don’t forget who you are

(Give out)  Give out – oh, the places you’ll go

You’re a hit; it’s a perfect fit

Countdown, blast-off – your baggage cast off

How much do you want it to hurt?

I can satisfy your wish

How much do you enjoy the pain?

How willing to succumb to the submission of my dungeon,

The torturous heaven I’ve devised?

You never realized till now

How being sacrificed empowers thoughts and feelings hidden for so long

Weakness can be strong.  Might can be wrong

How much do you want it to hurt?

Come and select your dessert

Lay down, stay down – I’m asking you nicely

It’s okay to play rough, if you do it wisely

Take your time; there’s plenty remaining

Take a bow: the spotlight reclaiming

(Give up)  Give up all the demons inside

You’re a jerk; you’re a genius at work

(Give all)  Give all to a new sense of pride

You’re the top; you’re the cream of the crop

How much do you want it to hurt?

I can satisfy your wish

How much do you enjoy the pain?

How willing to succumb to the submission of my dungeon,

The torturous heaven I’ve devised?

You never realized till now

How being sacrificed allows thoughts and feelings hidden to emerge

From under the scourge

How much do you want it to hurt?

Come and deserve your dessert

“December Blues 6”

Brian Hutzell

from December Blues

Part 12 of MMXIII Variations