"Not a Word"

I performed this one quite a bit when I was doing solo coffeeshop gigs in Chicagoland, but never recorded it. In the mid-1990s, I was involved with three different bands: The Bitter Pills, Plastic Mikey, and In Treble. At the same time, I was doing a lot of theatre. When it all fell apart within a few short months, I suffered a career crisis from which I have never quite recovered.

Current listening: Lenny White, The Adventures of Astral Pirates

Not a Word

© 1994 Brian Hutzell

Whatever the problem, any concern

It doesn’t matter unless it’s hers

Any discussion, keep away from there

She don’t wanna hear it

She doesn’t care

Not a word, don’t say a word

Keep it in, hide the hurt

Not a word – a negative word that she’s heard will only increase the pain

So suffer in silence, suffer in silence

Not a word, don’t say a word or you’ll speak in vain

Suspicious prying deserves no place

But curiosity is no disgrace

What is she hiding beneath her mask?

You’ll never know because you dare not ask

Not a word, don’t say a word

Keep it in, hide the hurt

Not a word – a negative word that she’s heard will only increase the pain

So suffer in silence, suffer in silence

Not a word, don’t say a word or you’ll speak in vain

Every subject you want to discuss is taboo

And you feel like the blame for the fuss rests with you

But it takes two

And whatever you do, not a word

Whatever your burden, bear it alone

With nary a whisper, a sigh nor a moan

Move on with your life; get out on your own

Not a word, don’t say a word

Keep it in, hide the hurt

Not a word – a negative word that she’s heard will only increase the pain

So suffer in silence, suffer in silence

Not a word, don’t say a word or you’ll speak in vain

“December Blues 15”

Brian Hutzell

From December Blues

Part 12 of MMXIII Variations

"Judy" - part 2

I recorded “Judy” as part of a 5-song piano/vocal demo. A music paper in Chicago hated it. They called me the “Anti-Rock and Roll.” The rock music world has always considered me too music theatre. The Music theatre world has always considered me too pop. The pop world has always considered me too jazz. I’ve never fit in anywhere. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean I have to work harder to find my niche and my audience. That goes for my music, my art, and my writing.

Maybe my niche is in none of those areas. I’m going back to school now, so maybe I’ll find a whole territory to explore. Perhaps what I need more than anything else is a life reboot. Stay open to possibility!

“Judy” on Melody/Fusion

Current listening: David Bowie, Let’s Dance

Judy

© 1992 Brian Hutzell Wally Koekebakker

Words that I hear

I need to hear them from you

Words I've heard today

Tell me anyway

Why can't I sleep?

The questions won't keep any longer

Judy, Judy

Judy, you are the light that makes me feel so warm

Judy, Judy

Words that I need tonight

I know you'll tell me in the morning

Wish you were here

Another day floats on by

I feel less secure

In a love that's matured

Consumed in the fire of a passion much higher and stronger

Judy, Judy

Judy, you are the light that makes me feel so warm

Judy, Judy

Thoughts I'm thinking tonight don't always leave me by morning

Go away, suspicion

Don't like to be in this condition

I'd like to believe your honesty, but it doesn't look promising

Judy, Judy

Judy, you are the light that makes me feel so warm

Judy, Judy

Words that I need tonight – still missing in the morning

Toby helping with art

Cambridge, MA 2002

"Zebras and Trumpets" (again)

I think, or rather I know that I have already posted these lyrics once on this blog, but here they are again. Sometimes I repeat myself. I think, or rather I know that I have already posted these lyrics once on this blog, but here they are again. Sometimes I repeat myself. Besides, I don’t think anyone is looking at this page except me, so who’s going to notice? As I mentioned in another post, I am primarily using this blog for practice in writing and blogging. Under those circumstances, a bit of repetition will not hurt anyone.

Zebras and Trumpets

© 2011 Brian Hutzell

I saw a billboard and it said

The world will end tomorrow

I saw a billboard, then another

Then a voice on the radio confirmed

That the world will end tomorrow

I don’t believe it for an instant

But it got me thinking

If I absolutely believed this was my final day on Earth

And not just mine, but the final day for everyone

How could it best be spent?

This is not about me

And it’s not about you

This is all about zebras and trumpets

And the best that we can do

To make it through the madness without going mad ourselves

I want to keep my health

To listen to zebras and trumpets

There is no greater wealth

If I die tomorrow

Like the billboard prophesies

Will I really get to watch my life pass before my eyes?

I know there are scenes I will regret

And yet

I will not let the vision get the rest of my zebras and trumpets

This is all about zebras and trumpets

And the best that we can do

To make it through the madness without going mad ourselves

I want to keep my health

To listen to zebras and trumpets

There is no greater wealth

Tino on a shelf

"If It’s True"

I hope to take my blogging to the next level with a truly professional blog, complete with unified online marketing strategy, monetized sites, business plan, the works. I’m way behind the curve in that game, so it is going to take some serious studying and planning on my part. In the meantime, I will use my AladdinFoot and Barefoot Wordsmith blogs for practice.

My YouTube presence has also become a disorganized jumble, thanks to my highly unorganized approach to it. I have two YouTube channels, which I can’t seem to merge. That’s okay; what I need is a totally fresh start. In the meantime, please feel free to check my music out either here:

Nild47 YouTube channel

Or here:

BrianHutzell YouTube channel

Thanks!

If It’s True

© 2014 Brian Hutzell

You think somebody’s following you

Watching every thing that you do

Well, everyone is out to get me too

It isn’t paranoia if it’s true

The news comes in fragments

The story isn’t clear

We don’t live all that far from original sin

The high priests of the shop

Live in castles at the top

Indulging their every whim

While Limousine Liberals eat caviar

But recycle the tin

You think somebody’s following you

Watching every thing that you do

Well, everyone is out to get me too

It isn’t paranoia if it’s true

Grapes kill more people than guns

But death can taste so sweet

Sometimes I feel my soundtrack’s playing at the wrong speed

Propaganda from either side

Is available to read

I can’t afford integrity

Don’t have the money or the time

I heard the enemy use a line that once was mine

You think somebody’s following you

Watching every thing that you do

Well, everyone is out to get me too

It isn’t paranoia if it’s true

Toby under a blanket

"French"

In college, I had a very pretty French teacher. In one class, she made the mistake of mentioning sunbathing topless on the beach in Nice. For the remainder of the class, all the males in attendance were lost in a bit of fantasizing.

French

© 1994 Brian Hutzell

I saw you on the screen; you were taking your clothes off again

I think I’ve seen more of you than I have my closest friend

I saw you in my dream; you were in my bed

Wish that I could find you in my waking hours instead

But there's a barrier in our way; I can’t understand a word you say

Teach me French – teach me everything I need to know

Teach me how to touch you, how to love you

Make it comme il faut

If you teach me French, I’ll want to practice everyday

You’ll be my instructor and I’ll be your protégé

There has to be a way to tell you how I feel

First I’ve got to reach you; that could be quite an ordeal

Then once we’re face to face, I’ll know just what to say

Cause there’s a certain language I am certain vous parlez

My kiss will tell you everything and won’t require translating

Teach me French – teach me everything I need to know

Teach me how to touch you, how to love you

Make it comme il faut

If you teach me French, I’ll want to practice everyday

You’ll be my instructor and I’ll be your protégé

L’amour, je t’adore

Saying it makes me wish I could say more

L’amour, je t’adore

A foreign body to explore

Je ne parle pas francais, but I love you anyway

And don’t I sound as distingue as Maurice Chevalier?

Tear down the barricade, strike the fence

Let the tutoring commence

Teach me French – teach me everything I need to know

Teach me how to touch you, how to love you

Make it comme il faut

If you teach me French, I’ll want to practice everyday

You’ll be my instructor and I’ll be your protégé

Florida, 1981

"Go For It"

Here is another song from the Ashley Standing period. As with much of my material from that time, I emphasized a sexual element, however subtle (or not.) Consequently, most of the Ashley Standing songs make me cringe now. Just totally wrong for me! Some of the advice here is good, some not so good. It is semi-autobiographical, but exaggerated.

Go For It

© 1995 Brian Hutzell

I’m going to New York with a demo in hand

I’ve got a lot of big dreams, but no definite plans

I might get rich or I might go broke

But taking the easy road’s for other folks

I heard there's a fortune to be got

And I aim to take my piece of the pot

I’m well aware the competition is tough

But as for excuses, I’ve had enough

I’m gonna go for it

I’m gonna go for it

Gonna ignore well-intentioned advice

I’ve tried that already and paid the price

Now I’m gonna follow my heart, and I’m gonna go for it

One way or another I will be a star

Don’t tell me what my chances are

To make it in this business takes more than guts

You also have to be a little nuts

Gonna knock on every door in sight

And be making calls far into the night

If I have to, I’ll even jump into bed

With anyone who can help me get ahead

I’m gonna go for it

I’m gonna go for it

Gonna ignore well-intentioned advice

I’ve tried that already and paid the price

Now I’m gonna follow my heart, and I’m gonna go for it

I don’t expect a fairy godmother to arrive

And give me a fancy coach to drive

When I write my autobiography,

The star of the book is gonna be me

I’m gonna go for it

I’m gonna go for it

Gonna ignore well-intentioned advice

I’ve tried that already and paid the price

Now I’m gonna follow my heart, and I’m gonna go for it

“December Blues 14”

Brian Hutzell

From December Blues

Part 12 of MMXIII Variations

“Xenophobia” with commentary

“Xenophobia” on YouTube

The most unfortunate aspect of my song collections Optimistic Assumptions, and Anything Grows is the song titles, which have nothing at all to with the music. In some cases, the titles are wildly inappropriate, and in one case, I had to change the title completely because it was just too unacceptable. Just as the title “Xenophobia” has nothing to do with its own music, this picture has nothing to do with either one. This is from Part 2 of my MMXIII Variations project, in which I kept using one set of pictures as the basis for the next set. You can detect “Can we play here?” as the basis for this iteration.

“Page 4”

Brian Hutzell

From Ages of Pages

Part 2 of MMXIII Variations

"On a Scale of 1 to 10"

This is one of my few attempts to write a straight-ahead country tune. It’s not that I don’t like country music; it’s just that I’ve never been in a playing situation that required me to either perform or write much of it. There are many things I admire about country music. I just don’t seem to have much in common with most country music fans.

“On a Scale of 1 to 10” rough demo on MelodyFusion

On a Scale of 1 to 10

© 1998 Brian Hutzell

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give you 8

That isn’t bad, but then again it isn’t great

You don’t rub my neck as often as I’d like

You wouldn’t let me name the kitten Spike

So in case you’re wondering just how well you rate

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give you 8

If I was your teacher, I'd give you B+

You’re often late; I guess you miss the bus

On your homework, I don't think you really try

You have skills you make no effort to apply

So if your grade is something you’d like to discuss

On your report card, I give you B+

I wouldn’t offer my opinion

If you hadn't asked me to

I hope you don’t think I’m being too critical of you

I don’t think you're perfect

No, I don’t think you’re a saint

But when it comes to loving me,

There’s no room for complaint

On a scale of 1 to 10, we come out fine

I think we’ve earned at least an 8 or 9

Many times we reach a perfect score

And hardly ever dip below 4

So in case you’re wondering if we pass the test

On a scale of 1 to 10

Now please don’t ask again

On a scale of 1 to 10, we beat the best

"Zuk" – with commentary

Zuk – with commentary

“Zuk” on YouTube

“Zuk” was part of Optimistic Assumptions, the first of two instrumental collections I recorded in the early 1990s. The second collection was Anything Grows. Together, they make of a string of experimental pieces I’m quite pleased with, though some of the recordings have suffered the ravages of time. They are also among my last completed recording projects, only succeeded by the 4-song Ashley Standing demo, and the Plastic Mikey CD Cook Up Something New!  Both of those later projects were disappointing in the end; they just never measured up to expectations.

Since the mid-1990s, I have focused more on performing than either writing or recording, and that has no doubt been a tactical error, since I am better at either writing or recording than performing. I also enjoy performing less than either of the other two. I am currently entering tech week for a musical production for which I am the keyboardist and pit conductor. I didn’t really want either role, but agreed to it in a moment of weakness. The show is written by a local playwright/composer, and is not a bad show at all. In fact it is quite clever, and has gotten a lot of good press already, but I am simply not enjoying it. I think once this run ends in just three weeks, I will retire from doing things like this. When there are other people both more eager and more qualified to fill the position, why should I do it?

My interests and aspirations are evolving away from a career as a performing musician. It is a period of exploration and introspection for me. Also education! My priority at present is school, to which I have returned after an absence of many years. I’m hoping to prove that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks!

Museum of Fine Arts

Boston

"Not I"

“...a machine to collect your calls” – that dates this song a bit! At the time I wrote it, I really thought the idea of settling down into a life of peaceful domesticity sounded like a prison sentence. Now, 25 years later, it doesn’t sound so bad! I just finished reading 10% Happier by Dan Harris. In that book, Harris struggles to reconcile the need to feel driven by dissatisfaction with the desire to find inner peace. I can relate to that struggle. What I can’t relate to is the fact that even as he’s engaged in that personal struggle, he is holding down a high profile career as a successful newscaster. At my level, mere survival is the primary struggle. I’ve never been able to find a book that I can totally relate to on a peer-to-peer level. I guess I’ll have to write it myself.

Current listening: David Bowie, Lodger

"Not I" on SoundCloud 

Not I

© 1990 Wally Koekebakker and Brian Hutzell

Don't you see?

Life would be so boring without me.

He can offer you clothes - look at his tailored suits

A fine new hat and expensive boots

Have your own house, a car at the curb

Settle into an armchair and not be disturbed

If you want domesticity, if you long for that simplicity,

Go with the other guy, go with the other guy

Not I

Go with the other guy

Cause I will not provide that kind of life

I cannot provide that kind of life

All the modern conveniences, every bill met

All the modern comics on the TV set

You've got a machine to collect your calls

Appropriate artwork for the walls

New and used furniture in proper amounts

Go to the in places, know everyone who counts

If you want that domesticity, if you long for that simplicity

Go with the other guy, go with the other guy

Not I

Go with the other guy

Cause I will not provide that kind of life

I will provide that kind of life

Oh no, I couldn't be more opposed

To the thought of settling down to that routine

That doesn't mean it isn't right for you

I won't stand between you and the other guy

Not I

I honestly thought we had it made

But I like the sun and you like the shade

Now there's a man who's qualified to give you what you want from life

Not I

Not I

So goodbye, goodbye

“Page 3”

Brian Hutzell

From Ages of Pages

Part 2 of MMXIII Variations

"On the Run"

I recorded this one for my “Not Here” cassette. This would have been early 1986. Bob Rein mixed the recording, as he did several of my tapes during that time period. The 1980s were an interesting time for me. Now I tend to look back on them through the proverbial rose-colored glasses, but I know things were not perfect then. That was a time when I got a lot done creatively, however.

In all of my experimenting in the 1980s, one aspect of my life that I neglected for a few years was spirituality. Once I got interested in some religion classes at U. Mass, I began to correct that omission, but then for most of the 1990s, I didn’t give much thought to it. Now I am again devoting some time to spiritual considerations. Where will it lead? At this point, I don’t know.

Current listening: David Bowie, Young Americans

On the Run

© 1985 Brian Hutzell

Broke loose at seventeen

Never look back except in scorn

Broke hard into the scene

Another society queen is born

All the right clothes

All the right drugs in your nose

The right connections

The lingo down

The reputation around town

Exhibit A

Example 1

A textbook case

A rule of thumb

Everyday phenomenon

Another stray on the run

Hair styles come and go

Fashion fags, dancing fools

The dance floor is a show

But after awhile that gets old too

You made your mark

You live your life in the dark

Time to move on

The look has changed

The rebel spirit still untamed

Exhibit A

Example 1

A textbook case

A rule of thumb

Everyday phenomenon

Another stray on the run

All the right clubs

All the new loves to distrust

A new direction

A change of pace

The trend-setter with a new face

Exhibit A

Example 1

A textbook case

A rule of thumb

Everyday phenomenon

Another stray on the run

“Page 2”

Brian Hutzell

From Ages of Pages

Part 2 of MMXIII Variations

"A Kid in a Car"

I still consider this song unfinished. I had two lines (“If I was just a kid in a car, And you were just a girl with a candy bar”) in my head for years, but could never build a proper song around them. Eventually, I just dashed something off as a hasty wrap up because I needed to move on. I hate giving up on a song, but sometimes I just need to throw in the towel and make room in my head for other projects.

A Kid in a Car

© 1990 Brian Hutzell

Does she know what it’s like

To be chased through the night

Does she know what darkness hides?

My story of crime

Has no place in her life

Her tale has one in mine

If I was just a kid in a car

And you were just a girl with a candy bar

We could chase a different star

Where to? No one can tell

Maybe we could wear fancy clothes

And be seen at all the finest shows

But I guess we’ll never know

I suppose it’s just as well

’Cause when two people are not two people

But two selves trying to be someone else

When these two people lose their ideals

Nothing’s left

If I was just a kid in a car

And you were just a girl with a candy bar

We could chase a different star

Where to? No one can tell

Maybe we could wear fancy clothes

And be seen at all the finest shows

But I guess we’ll never know

I suppose it’s just as well

"None More Guilty Than I"

I have written songs of which I am proud, and songs which I would love to disown. “None More Guilty Than I” falls into the latter category. It doesn’t work either musically or lyrically. So why am I presenting it here? It’s all in the interest of thoroughness. Aside from a handful of songs with lyrics that are just too objectionable to publish, and several that have been lost, I am putting up pretty much everything I’ve written – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Warts and all. The whole nine yards. And other clichés.

Current listening: David Bowie, self-titled (1967)

None More Guilty Than I

© 1988 Brian Hutzell

It's hard for me to admit defeat

And even more if the reason for the loss is my own

I told myself it must be someone else

Whose jealous eyes led to fights and lies and left me alone

None more guilty than I have passed this way

None have sung more out of tune

None more guilty than I have made mistakes

Like I made when I was with you

I was so afraid that you'd go away

I tired you down only to find out that was a mistake

My foolish inventions, I hope you know,

Were based on good intentions

But now that it's over

In truth, I blame my youth and my inexperience

With this in mind, I hope you find

A place for me in a memory that's pleasant for you

I only meant what I thought was best

So in your heart you know the part I played was true

None more guilty than I have said the same

Common words when love was new

None more guilty and I'm afraid to say

One more time how much I loved you

What seems to me to be unique is commonplace

Everyone has to face occurrences like this

But let me think I'm the only one who's recognizing

What I've done to deserve thinking,

"None more guilty than I"

“December Blues 13”

Brian Hutzell

From December Blues

Part 12 of MMXIII Variations

"New Life"

This is the first song Vin and I collaborated on when we reunited after the breakup of JEREMIAH. I recorded it for my Spring 88 tape.

New Life

© 1987 Vin Colella and Brian Hutzell

Former nights I searched the town and found a lonely mile

Going out, the crowds were loud, but never out of style

Last night, I found the lights too bright

They hurt my eyes 

Often I’ve been taken for a man with no disguise

Sometimes, I think I’ve changed
Sometimes I feel so strange
Now I’m beginning to see
New life in front of me
I used to look but never see
How much more could I take from me?
The more I ran, the less I’d find
How was I so blind?

On the street, the scene to me seems bleak and out of step
Spending every empty evening wondering where I’ve slept
Friends I used to choose to use are left without a clue
Ask me and I’ll stand to lose unless I change my tune

Sometimes I think it will last
Sometimes, it’s best not to ask
How I’m beginning to see
New life in front of me
The more I think I’m doing fine
The more I have to keep in mind
Every day’s another test
I just have to try my best

There’s a time to make waves
And there’s a time to behave
There's a new life just ahead and I feel brave
There’s a lesson to be learned
From all the stories that I’ve heard
There’s a new life and I’m ready for my turn

Why should I look back? The fact is past and gone away
Why pursue the future through a maze of yesterdays?
Sometimes I feel so sure
My life is too secure
Just when I’m feeling tired
New life, and I’m inspired
The more I try to analyze
Why I feel this way inside
The more I find there’s more to me
And I like the surprise

“Unfolded 15 (JEREMIAH)”

Brian Hutzell

From Unfolded

Part 3 of MMXIII Variations